Sunday, December 31, 2006
I think i know why i like football so much.
Whenever michael owen scores, the smile on his face is so honest, so sincere. So genuine, and that, is a beautiful thing.
Its inevitable that as we grow older, we get corrupted by influences, and suddenlt lust and desire just flicks on. I'm disgusted by the idea of lust, i just think flirting is so very...uncool, just not something i want to be seen doing.
So...it might seem impossible, but i'm already trying to rid myself of lust. That is one step in becoming the person i want to be. A beautiful face is something to admire. Its only when girls flaunt their legs by wearing short pants that i feel the lust in me.
When i find people staring at that, i feel disgusted, even more so because i feel that myself. So, i'm going to stop myself from feeling thoughts of lust, i don't want to be a slave of temptation. I want to be in full control of what i feel, i wavt to be the person who punches people awake when they're drunk and their lust overwhelms their own control of their actions.
Again, it might not be possible, but i never know till i try. Actually since monks can do it, why can't I?
Won't it be great if i manage to do that. My wifey and I would both be happy, i can have the right to sneer at people who stare lustily at girls. Oh boy, that is GREAT!
Oh...and the girl i liked, i decided if i told her and asked her about it, if she said no, i would stop hoping she likes me, and take that burden off me, and if she did like me then thats great. So i did, and got the "no" reply.
Hmm, i'm not lying when i say i didn't feel any extreme feelings of sadness or despair. I just felt a tinge of disappointment, because obviously the god of letal does not delude himself. now I can try my best to brainwash myself not to like her. Oh, and i think i had this thing called Limerence, something in the middle of infatuation and love.
Does this seem very machine----------like? Hmm...what the fuck
silverletal [Simple and Clean] 5:53 AM
