Thursday, March 29, 2007
HAHAH lucid dreaming is so cool.
Often the things that appear in it seem weird and out of place.
Today my dreams joked with me.
I was dreaming about putting a coin in this vending machine, hearing the rattling sound, then looking down to see all sorts of snacks and goodies + 2 free cans of chrysanthemun tea. Then this guy tapped me on the shoulder and said it was his, so i helped him take all the goodies out. There were still some left, but he said those were for me, so i picked up a nearby chicken drumstick and started eating it. I could actually taste it a bit, and then i suddenly realised i was dreaming, so i tried harder to taste it. There was a taste to it, but it wasn't very strong.
Then i felt the dream fading and quickly applied the "spinning" technique. I spun myself into the tv news programme of channel U and then i saw the news was reporting that their newscaster was missing...gg hehe!
doublepwn!
silverletal [Simple and Clean] 9:53 AM
Monday, March 26, 2007
It's getting quite annoying, now that blogger merged with google and i have to friggin login everytime i want to blog even though i ticked the "remember me"
Then i think i may want to switch to livejournal hmm.
I just realised this social conditioning thats inherent in the world is the root of all decadence!
If Sg wants more leaders in the fields, they ought to place a lot more emphasis on developing moral character and going for your passion, trusting your own abilities. Basically personal development. That way, we can cut out the boring crap early, focus on what we really want to do, which leads to no bother for anyone because we will do it ourselves
Also, we get to lead real lives. I think everyone's too fucking afraid to do this, to do that. They talk about being "realistic", but in truth they are talking about remaining seated in a safe and secure 9-to-5 routine job where they risk nothing to gain nothing. And its not their fault, its society's fault. Inherently though, the inclination to follow the crowd, the herd mentality within us, also plays a part.
All these years of social conditioning have led to a stiff wall, a resistance to our ideals. What we need to do is to gain the courage to oppose this social conditioning and slowly but surely, weaken this resistance. It will keep coming back, it will keep affirming itself, but as long as you stick toyour courage, it will eventually fade away.
For me, i can feel the dreaded social conditioning dissipating but its still there. I need people around me to have the same beliefs as me to keep reinforcing what i want to keep. Last year, when i hear my classmates talking about what "department" they want to be in life, i thought that was a perfectly fine discussion. Now i just feel sick and disgusted by it, sick that they seem to be talking about working for a living, living for the sake of living.
Oh and we should all learn the art of patience. I got quite frustrated at the lack of results over some of my intention-manifestations as well as lucid dreaming attempts, but i pondered over it and realised i didn't become the footballer i am by reading football books and practicing for 2 weeks. I built it up gradually through playing. My left foot didn't improve overnight, i practiced passing with it for hours and hours, before i built it to my satisfaction in terms of passing My shooting technique is still quite horrific, even for my right foot, but i know i can use practice to push it up to fierce levels.
in fact, i was quite irritated at the seeming lack of improvement in my left foot, until one day when i realised i was quite comfortable with using it, and quite accurate too (:
Today was not a good day of football play because i forgot to relax and clear my mind before playing. Siquan was kind of off-form i think, i wasn't playing well, and it was just frustrating trying to find a pass to play when your teamates aren't moving into space. I felt very frustrated and annoyed by siquan, although it probably is no fault of his.
In my view, i kept seeing him chase down loose balls which ought to have been his but somehow, when he got near the ball he relaxed, allowing the opposition to gain control of it or nick it away into another position. It just reeked of very poor determination or something. Then there were other times where he had possession of the ball and ought to have kept it, but gave it away or took too much time giving it to the keeper, but thats possibly me trying to find fault with him.
Then he talked about ripping off the keeper i already got to my team in place of harry which is quite horribly mean. Then when we got a hcis player to help us play keeper, when the keeper asked if he could try his hand at playing outfield, i think i heard him saying something rather rude and mean, meaning to turn him down. I didn't hear clearly though, so its likely he was joking.
but of course, i could be completely wrong and just pushing my frustration on him. I was frustrated at my team, at myself, at what was going on. But when i got home i trained for an hour focusing on dribbling and felt quiite satisfied because i felt an improvement in my hocuspocus and the switchcut move.
mm We must raise our moral standards!
silverletal [Simple and Clean] 6:59 AM
Thursday, March 22, 2007
WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK LIFE IS SO HOPELESS!?
It's good to think about your future, its crazy to care so much about money. Guys, why don't you trust yourselves? Why buy into all the social conditioning crap that people have thrown into you. Who says you HAVE to work for someone. Who says that what you love to do won't earn you a living?
Why is it so implausible to people, that they can earn more than enough to live comfortably, and at the same time enjoy what they are doing? Who says philosophy can't earn money? Who says finance is the only way to go? I hear people talking about what they're going to do in the future- what will give em money. They think too much about money. Money matters, but look, if you don't enjoy your work, you won't find the inspiration to do good work, and if you don't do good work, you won't get your money. If you enjoy it, you do good work, you get good money. Simple logic?
"We're being realistic." Hmm, so how much of "reality" do you know? If you don't try doing what you want, don't try pursuing what you like, how do you know it won't work? All your perceptions of "reality" are SOLELY the social conditioning people have put into you. You haven't experienced a semblance of what the "corporate world" is like. Your parents only have that tiny bit of experience, the small slice of working experience as either an accountant, taxi-driver, footballer, whatever.
What's reality? Who says you can't enjoy your work and earn good money? People. People are conditioned to think they can't have the best of both worlds. People spread this negative influence around. More people pick it up. Have you ever questioned what "reality" really is? Don't you realise, the obvious route, is not always the correct one?
Why do so many people border being contented and slightly unhappy about their lives? They took the obvious route and that's where it brought em. Doesn't that prove that the route is OBVIOUSLY flawed? Do you believe you're only good enough for "something"? If you do, all the effort you put in will naturally only be "good enough" for that "something". Makes sense?
You think you can't do it. Therefore you never try. Therefore you never know. You go for the safe, secure option, the one everyone takes. Are you sure its safe? Are you sure its secure? The economy isn't that predictable. You could be retrenched once a financial crisis hits anywhere. Let's say an unexpected disaster hits a crucial industry of the US, predictably economies will crash. Your boss hates you, he fires you over nuffin. The cost of living rises tremendously, your job doesn't pay enough, but you can't quit it. You fall down, break your arm, can't go for work yet your boss says "work, or fire, or retire"
Jobs are safe and secure!?!?
What are the odds of that happening? Probably the odds of hurricane katrina hitting new orleans, the odds of you meeting someone you disagree with and is he a higher authority than you, the odds of the standard of living rising rapidly, the odds of you getting a mid-serious accident. Individually, the odds ain't too bad. THEN ADD EM TOGETHER .
And even IF you did manage to avoid it, what would your life have been? Average? Mediocre? Do you want to die like that? Have you made a difference? I hear you saying you want to make a difference, but you ...can't.
There we go, you say you can't but you don't even know what can't you do.
If you are convinced somewhat, im happy i've done this much. You will keep doubting what i said probably, but just remember the question "what do i want to be like when i'm dead?". My variation of the question is "do you want to regret at 35 years old?". See what works for you, put it to memory, and whenever the doubts come out, run yourself through the question.
Life is all about risks. You win some, you lose some. But the more you try, the more your chances of winning.
silverletal [Simple and Clean] 7:10 AM
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Sigh even though i tell myself not to worry, im still adjusting and getting better, but i suppose it would be good to spill it out here so i'd feel better anyway.
Chen confiscated the ball. He said to find him to get the ball back after the end of the session. I couldn't find him. I must plan to get it back by tomorrow. I will ask to call him, make my way to the P.E. teacher's office.
That's good, i've listed all what i've done and hence, can stop worrying about what to do.
silverletal [Simple and Clean] 7:42 AM
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Hmm, i think i can fully understand why people believe in their religions. When you believe something up there is helping you, you experience what you trust to be help, and this reinforces your belief even more. Although there maybe other passages, other ideas within the religion that your inner self might not agree, the ideas you agree on push you to believe in the "whole package".
And this is why, i think pro-religion and anti-religion arguments are not on the same wavelength as one another. A belief in christianity is strongly based on one's personal experiences that reinforces his beliefs. Logical arguments are simply "boosters" for one's faith, though if one's faith is so strong, these boosters would seem meaningless. On the other hand, a disbelief in christianity easily means you rule out any "experiences' with a possible god as something else, something that, to you, cannot be qualified as god's work. Logical arguments are meant to tear down Christian faith on the plane of logic, but cannot tear it down on the planes of experience.
However objective i'd like to be when experimenting with Christianity months ago, the point is that religion is something that isn't objective. I believe it is subjective, that if you believe in it, events will simply bolster your belief, and if you don't, it will take an extraodinary event, an incredible, completely logic-defying event to happen, to convince you. That's why i think my experiment wasn't successful in helping me determine objectively whether christianity or atheism was the "right thing". You simply couldn't do that. But its only because i even attempted the experiment that i now understand why it failed. And that's enlightening (:
The problem i see with religion is that it comes as a whole package. You take what you like, and take what you don't like. Maybe, just maybe, some part of it is right, but some other part of it is wrong. But you take it all the same. I don't like this way of doing things, but that doesn't mean its wrong though (: I don't like time management, but it sure helps a damn lot! However, due to its whole-packaged nature, it definitely restricts your limit of imagination and thinking. Just thinking about the possibility that god does not exist could possibly be viewed as a sin already.
But i think, for most people, believing in religion definitely helps them. Religion makes them dare to take risks, because God is there to back you up! It gives you belief that you CAN and WILL fight off cancer because miracle man is with you. Unfortunately, with the good comes the bad. Homosexuality is BURNNNNN, which i think isn't very fair because its no one's fault they were born to be so. Bad cause you can't marry a fricking non-christian, even if he is as enlightened as Ghandhi. But more so than not, the good overwhelms the bad.
But what if the good can be gotten in some other way? I don't believe in God, but dare to take risks, i'm able to feel that there are people there who will always help me in my times of needs. Then, the bad is simply...too bad. I find the bad about religion too bad for me. Something tells me declaring hell(literally) on people who can't control their homosexuality is wrong. Something tells me the New Testament is just a poor excuse for the Old Testament, a change that the heads of Christianity realised they had to make. Something tells me there's something wrong with creating the conscience in a person, and then judging him for the conscience he displays in his life. Something tells me i'm obviously biased against religion and simply trying to propogate my beliefs, BUT THAT MAY NOT BE WRONG (:
What a fucking chim post!
silverletal [Simple and Clean] 7:56 AM
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Today was the Predator trial.
Before that, i was trying to get some Predator boots but there weren't any. I felt it was a waste of money to buy it, so i didn't do it. I worried of course...but i'm remembering the ways to stop worry, and it worked. I just did what i could and let fate decide (:
Weijie gave me one of his predator shoes (too small for him, he has another 2-3 pairs), so i just hoped for the best and went with wincoln. Hmm, Adidas is quite rich eh, it organised this event and gave away a lot of free stuff. The pitch was awesome, the balls were great, pheww! But, the Predator shoe i was wearing was pretty worn out, and the pitch was kind of morning-dewish wet, so it felt quite slippery. Also, it was one size too big...a problem i somewhat managed to counteract by wearing 3 layers of socks.
The slippery part...i can't do much, hopefully i can get an Adidas Predator by April 8th then i can get better grip mmm (:
The selection trial was a 5v5 on the field, i had this small, ANGMOH kid called ben daly on my team, this rather big guy called Kiran, and two other people by the name of Jun and D. I told myself not to worry, just enjoy myself (:, get some confidence into these legs of mine and i'll have a good chance of entering the next round.
I would say, i had a rather good game considering that i wasn't used to the shoe and it was quite slippery with it on. I couldn't grip and control the ball as well i would have liked, but i was happy that i was fairly confident with myself.
Defensively, i made about 3 tackles where the guy pushed the ball too close to me, i went ahead and cut it off, placing my body between him and the ball. The guy tried to get the ball back with a bit of pushing but i managed to hold him off all the same and keep possession. He didn't foul me though, i think all of his challenges were quite fair (:, though the referee didn't think so on one occasion. Then, there were another 2 tackles i made where i didn't get possession. I managed to tackle the ball but it went out of bounds so it was their ball but no one got past me (:
I made a few decent interceptions where my first touch was alright, and one block where i threw my body at the shot.
Now offensively, the not-used-to-shoe and slippery-feet gave me some problems but i managed all the same. I couldn't do my fanciful trickery, but my ball control and overall dribbling was good enough to get me by the other players. I just shifted the ball where i wanted, accelerated when i saw the space, and in the end made two impressive dribbles from my half all the way to theirs. One, i wasn't sure what happened, by the other one i managed to burst past the whole opposing team except for the keeper and a defender, i looked up and cut the ball back, away from the defender to the two strikers on my team. Meh, they fluffed the one-on-one but good tries anyways.
Then, there was a loose ball near their goal, situated for my left foot to shoot. My left foot is my weaker fooot of course, but with my training and focus, i managed to get a decent contact on the ball which the keepr saved but looked good on me too hehe. Lolllll, and once i tried to do a patrick-viera-combo-bergkamp run i saw on this bergkamp vid i have. Kiran was holding the ball and looking for options and i was on the other side of the field, so i ran a really curved run behind the defenders and kiran sent a pretty good, hard, accurate pass which was unforunately cut out.
As for my general play...not very happy with that. My passing was decent, didn't do anything special, but i did slightly mispass one ball when i wasn't looking at my pass.Why? Because i was looking at the field, then felt confident to pass without looking at the ball and so i did. Simple as that. Then there was once the-errr WE HAD A KICK IN AND THE GUY KICKED TO ME AND I WASN'T CONCENTRATING AND I LET IT SLIP PASS ME. And it was going out for a corner to the opposing side, but i chased it down all the same, slid, kicked in back to goal, executing a sort of sliding-kick back to my goal. (WHERE THE KEEPER WAS, NOT AN OWN GOAL). It was about10-20 centimetres out of play, but i think they LOVE MY DETERMINATION and let it play on all the same. I thought my sliding kick thing was really impressive though, because i'd be impressed seeing anyone have the heart and determination to do that.
Anyway, i felt i was the best player on my team, at least the player who performed the best. Nerves and all that can always get you, and kiran looks to be quite a good player but his performance wasn't that good, so i'd only say i think my performance was the best. Felt confident that i would be in the top 40, seeing as they were choosing 40 out of a 100, meaning all you'd have to do was to be above average and i was in my game.
Selection time wasn't really cool, i tried to tell myself not to think too much and get nervous, but they announcer was announcing quite a lot of names, and i think me and wincoln thought we wouldn't be in. But eventually, we were just called late, we both got in, my name was called out first, then another guy, then wincoln, CHEERS TO HIM (:.
There were some interesting stuff to note. Ben daly, the small guy, was called in at the last moment. I think he's secondary 1, though my first impression was a primary school guy, but he seems to be from united world college, and secondary 1's are quite small too. But i was wondering what the people up there felt when they saw this small guy was chosen ahead of em lollll. Me and wincoln seemed to be the younger peeps there. Oh, and there was a girl who played mmmmhhmm, she's not bad, and according to wincoln, "very good
for a girl" i didn't say that kay!
OH AND IMA get a free Adidas jersey just for getting into the top 40 hehe (:
Im glad i wasn't in tunit though, wouldn't feel like i achieved anything because 40 people were supposed to be chosen and i think only 40-50 people turned up...
Yes, and i do think i can perform significantly better if i had ADIDAS PREDATOR BOOTS SO I NEED ONEEEE TO MAKE IT INTO SPAIN!
silverletal [Simple and Clean] 9:09 AM
Thursday, March 15, 2007
HMmmmmhhh its cool how perception matters so much in your attitude to life.
I've been struggling to decide whether to buy the adidas predator or try and borrow one from my friends, but my intuition (or common sense? hmm...) has told me not to buy it but try to borrow. If i can't borrow the boots, i can always ask for the predator street football shoes from weijie hohummmm!!
Wincoln told me he thought kuang yue had and gave me his number. I called kuang yue and he said he didn't. Then when i hung up, he called me again and told me he thought samuel had an adidas predator, but wasn't sure if it were the boots type. So i called samuel, who had the adidas predator, but the shoes and not the boots. I hung up, and after 5 minutes or so, i received an sms by either kuang yue or samuel that he thought ronald and aran had, Ronald was lending his pair to wincoln so the option was aran. I asked aran whether he had, but he didn't.
Ahha, i could see that life was so mean as to give me multiple hopes that end up crashing. But if i switch my perspective, i'd be able to see that i have friends willing to make the extra effort to call me up a second time to offer me an alternative, and sms me too. Oh ho, i shall look forward and see what happens then.
Recently watched the 2005 cl finals liverpool vs ac milan, and that burning passion flooded back into me. I was reminded that miracles do exist, that if you fight and play your hearts out, you will get what you deserve! Walk on, with hope!
Stevie G is truly our captain marvel, but i loved the passion i saw in smicer too. When he scored our second goal, his face was contorted with emotions that cannot be expressed in words. I could see he so wanted to get the strike in for liverpool, that it meant so much to him. And when he took the decisive penalty, he scored, kissed the liverpool badge on his shirt violently and pumped his arms in joy. Then i see carragher sliding repeatedly, fending off the ac milan attacks, stretching his tired, cramping legs over and over again. Whenever there was a threat, he was there to clear it to safety. Liverpool lads through and through, YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE, COME ON YOUR REEEEEEDSSSSSS!!!
Ohhooohoooooo, i used to be very blur and undecided on how the universe works but its coming clearer to me now. I think that in some way, our lives will be determined by what we have at birth. That doesn't seem to be something we can consciously control. Then for the rest of your life, you have to work at what you want, and have the belief in yourself. Fate, the universe, or some sort of higher being will aid you along the journey. It will give you signs to boost your morale, your motivation to work and work. It will offer your opportunities that you'd normally brush off, opportunities that you missed BECAUSE you didn't believe in yourself. And the rest, is up to you to work for and trust and give your best shot at whatever you want to do.
I read up on this concept of intention and manifestation, that is that you give out an intention and the universe will help manifest it. For me, i believe in it because i've seen signs of it happening. The last post where i described my experience was the clincher for me. But i do not believe you can get what you want simply by thinking of it. Something tells me that part of the manifestation process is in you believing in yourself and hence, being willling to work hard towards it.
There are two choices. A life you are contented with, and a life you are happy with.
YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE.
silverletal [Simple and Clean] 8:39 AM
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Hmm, i don't feel the energy to continue yesterday's post so here's a new thing to do! Analysis of the qualities of the different positions in football But this is quite relevant to yesterday's post anyway, because a large part of the beauty in football is the diverse attributes needed in it.
First, the General attributes that apply to any position except for the goalkeeper. Keepers are quite a different class.
Stamina: To be a good player, you need to have good stamina. 90 minutes of continuous jogging and short bursts of sprinting in between is hardwork. If a team has good stamina, its players can close down the opposition quickly, putting them under more pressure which leads to their passing going awry. If you're a midfielder, you need to constantly move from one end of the pitch to the other, otherwise you will leave your defence or attack outnumbered. If you're a forward, you'll be extremely effective at the last 20 minutes of the game if you can constantly make runs and force the defender to follow you. When the defenders get tired, their concentration falls, their speed drops, and your chances of scoring increases. Likewise for the defenders, to cope with a stamina-pumped striker, your stamina has to be good as well. Players who don't need as much stamina are probably the centre defenders, the goalkeeper, and perhaps the forwards But if your team plays the longball, then the forward will have to have lotsa stamina to remain effective...
Passing: Some players need better passing than the rest, but every players needs to be able to pass a simple, accurate ball. Football is all about passing, unless you're a legod or cristiano ronaldo, dribbling allll the wayyy, but even then you'd need to be able to pass to take full advantage of the chances you can create. Forwards need to pass accurate balls to their fellow forwards, or hold the ball and pass it back to the midfield, or even lay off balls for the midfielders to SMACK IT IN-OHHHHH STEVEN GERRARD, AND THE MAN NUMBER ONE!
Determination: The determination to win, to comeback from a three goal, four goal, five goal deficit is crucial. When going for 50-50 balls, its the determined player who wins it. A defender who gives up easily will tend to play with much less effort after going a goal down, leading to the opposition scoring even more goals. A midfielder that loses his determination won't bother running back to cover, to pass the ball forward, and the entire team simply cannot function. The striker who isn't determined won't be able to score the many scrappy goals that are abundant in the game, won't chase down long, hopeful balls, and simply stop making forwards runs. Only time it might not apply is to the keeper...
Composure: Can play a significant role in the game, when both sides are evenly matched. The ability to stay calm and focus on making the correct decisions under pressure is very useful. Strikers that don't have composure are likely to simply belt the ball as hard as possible, which is of course, less effective than choosing a spot to shoot. Midfielders that are quickly closed down must maintain their composure instead of simply smacking the ball forward and losing possession. Nearly the same for defenders, but with more serious consequences if the lack of composure causes the defender to become flustered and lose the ball to the forward. When you're composed, you'd be able to pick out the better pass and decision, the better shot. Otherwise, all your technical abilities simply go to waste when you fluster and worry.
Teamwork: The last, most important attribute that applies to the entire team. A team that works together, that tells his teamates when someone is closing him down so he can pass the ball off, that urges the striker to take a shot, that moves into space to provide options for the teamate will function much more smoothly. When everyone is working as one, defenders can rely on other defenders to help track down the opposition striker, the midfielder forms a barrier to defend the defence, the defenders support the attack providing greater attacking ability and the general play of the entire team is lifted.
silverletal [Simple and Clean] 7:18 AM
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Tisssss legod -) mm...
I imagined how i'd looked twenty years down the right, and got the idea that i'd look twenty-fiveeeee cause i think i have a kiddy-face O=
And that's okay. Cedrissss, nick, liangggg, and yijun are my newest buds (:
And let's play the game!
Why is football so beautiful! Legod shall try to explain this
Firstly, its played mainly with the feet. There's something magical about playing with this part of your body that doesn't seem to be well-equipped for beautiful moves. I mean, are you going to wriggle your toes to sort of contort the ball? MM nopee. Other sports mainly use the feet to move, actually 90% if not more have the arms as the dominant limb. Rugby uses the foot somewhat, but the main shit is still the chucking of the ball and the running about in circles.
Secondly, it comprises of 3 main components, in which you can excel in some to make up for a weaker component. These 3 are your physical, technical, and mental attributes. At first glance, the most technically gifted player seems to be the best, but as all true football-lovers know, the mental and physical aspects are equally, if not more important. A defender with good anticipation can cut off passes to the opposing skilful winger, rendering the winger's technical abilities useless. However, if he doesn't have the speed to reach the ball quick enough, even with his anticipation he won't be able to cut out the pass in time. The defender will then have to rely on his intelligence to know his speed is lacking, and instead move to cover the winger's advances.
These 3 components can all be intricately intertwined and all play essential roles in a game. So what if you're not born with the necessary "natural talent"? You can make it up with a high work rate, a determined willingness to track back, and develop the stamina and strength to win the 50-50 balls for your more technically gifted teamates. If you're fast, who cares if you can't dribble past the defender? Just smack the ball 10 metres forwards and outsprint him to it! The game appreciates not only the "gifted few", but also those willing to work hard to make up for the lack of technical ability.
I shall continue this another day!
silverletal [Simple and Clean] 8:53 AM
It's my fate.
Browsing through the library emptily today, zoomed in on one section just to see what if there was anything interesting, and then i found a familiar book. "Steven Gerrard: Portrait of a Hero". It was in the wrong section definitely, i knew where it came from, i borrowed it before. And then it dawned upon me how wonderful the universe had set this chance meeting up.
I was supposed to meet up with Fabian, i think i might have been 5-10 minutes late. I waited for about 10 minutes or so, then decided he probably already went off. At first i wanted to go to the sport stores at Lot 1 to check out the price of an Adidas Predator. Couldn't find an Adidas Predator in those two small sports stores.
Then the thought of going to the library hit me, and i thought,"Why not?". Browed through the sports section and couldn't find anything that caught my eye. Then i turned to another section of the library, randomly chosen, zoomed in, and there it was, "Steven Gerrard: Portrait of a Hero". It's probably the book in the entire library that has the closest relationship to my goal. If you've read about intention-manifestations, law of attraction-type of concepts, you'd know that you can pick up signs of your goal manifesting.
That sign could very well be a coincidence. I choose to take it as a sign for greater things to follow.
silverletal [Simple and Clean] 4:02 AM
Sunday, March 11, 2007
OKAY I NEED TO ERASE SOME CRAP THAT I WROTE PREVIOUSLY WHICH I COULDN'T FOLLOW.
Now, i'm going to do all the revision things when i please. I have also decided not to label the IHC teachers as scum. Even though the last ihc test WAS a farce, i have decided to assume it isn't so the next time.
Three steps to improving your life!
1) Stop worrying. When you worry about something, think of the worst that could happen. Assume the worst WILL happen, and then work towards reducing the severity of the worst scenario. See! No more time wasted on worrying in circles! Instead, you spend all that time working towards reducing the worst case scenario!
Can you think of yourself riding a bicycle and riding an elephant at the same time? No, you can switch between the two in extra quick time, or superimpose the image of the elephant onto the image of you riding a bike, but you still cannot imagine a singular self riding a bicycle and riding an elephant at the same time. What this means is that you cannot truly hold two thoughts in your mind at the same time. When you are low on confidence, you worry about whether you'd be able to score the goal. When you kick the ball, instead of focussing on kicking it, your mind is worrying about what will happen if you miss. And that's why confidence is everything. But if you lack it, one thing you can do is tell yourself to stop worrying!
2) I was previously worried about how some concepts appealed to me, but there were accounts of skeptics disproving it. Finally, i realised that i ought to be skeptic about the skeptic's account too! Since they were skeptic about it, they would look at things that opposed it, rather than an "objective" viewpoint. Or, their accounts of claiming that so and so is bullshit, are bullshit too!
My answer to this is to decide yourself what you want to believe and stop worrying about what if you believe to be true, isn't true. Apply common sense and your own principles too though. It's stupid to believe you can actually "attract" something in your life simply because you "think" of it. Your thoughts will lead to action if you take them, and i believe the action gives rise to the attraction. It is natural that these worries will cloud your mind from time to time, but if you keep pushing them aside, they will slowly crumble and dissolve.
3) A safe life is no fun. A fun life is a safer choice.
silverletal [Simple and Clean] 4:25 AM
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Ahh fuck i need to get back my confidence in carrying the ball forward, dribbling past players when im playing defense. It just takes so much away from my game not having the confidence to do it because i see aran and fabian, two of the better players now, they have the confidence to bring the ball forward and get past people and their game is that much more impressive. I can dribble better than either of them but i lack the confidence to -snap- do it!
The exhilaration and heightened joy in playing to your potential!
GOOD things though, i used my head to head the ball away everytime i could! That's good because heading was one big weakness for me. My header's aren't very powerful now, but at least i dare get my head onto the ball so that's good.
I can feel my defending getting better and better. I kind of intercepted and cut out quite a number of passes today, no one got past me except once this jc did when i lost my focus, managed to disrupt and delay a lot of attacks too.
It was near 6, the weather was near-thunderstorm like. i got the ball on the right flank, jun zhe was in front of me. i did a stepover-followedby-reverse stepover to the right, then a sudden surge of confidence burst in me. I pushed the ball towards the left with my right, sensed two of the other defenders closing in on my left and junzhe on the right, quickly knocked it forward with my left foot and was 1 on 1 with the keeper.
That moment was wonderful, pure bliss and joy pouring through my body in that few seconds. And it seemed so simple, like i've been doing it for so many years already. It all seemed so natural and flowing. Now if only i can recapture that feeling of confidence, i'd be a much better player.
silverletal [Simple and Clean] 6:35 AM
Monday, March 05, 2007
So lucky me, memememe, who thinks im lucky.
Let's dissect the positives and negatives and see if life really sucks-
Negatives
-F'ed up IHC administration in school
-Gets periods of burning boredom
-Thinks too much sometimes
-Mom cooks shitty food
-In constant, tormenting conflict trying to fight the non-legod characteristics in the human body
Positives
-Blessed with so many innate advantages over the common person
-Learned to think lots early
-Middle-income family
-Learned not to get caught up with so much materialism shit
-Constantly trying to achieve "legod" characteristics
-Has tonnes of great friends - football friends, skype brothers, significant number of near-legod-like friends (not there yet though)
-Encountered more good/decent/excellent teachers than crappy ones
-Closest to achieving legod status
-Has a purpose/dream in life already
-Has high EQ + lotsa wit and humour
Before we move on, i will try to explain what is legod.
legod...
is moral courage, the courage to step into a 5 on 1 fight to somehow even the odds
is complete confidence and self-belief in oneself
is persistence, hardwork, determination, for all the right things
is pride, honour, integrity, principles
is witty, very kiddish but retaining the correct traits when needed
is a professional footballer for liverpool football club
is not afraid of saying the right thing, not afraid to offend when appropriate
is a true friend
is a source of inspiration for those who seek his guidance
is fun. respect, able to make a difference
Course, i'm not legod yet, but i am getting closer to being him everyday.
Anyway, back to the main point!
The negatives so heavily outweigh the positives don't you think! One can consider being from the middle-income family a blessing, you don't really feel the stress and struggle of your parent's to make ends meet, yet you realise the futility and waste that materialism brings about. Sometimes my mind is junked and jammed up with contrasting philosophies and debates within and i can't sleep it off. Lying on the bed, i'd keep debating and my brain would keep filling stuffy and messed up, and i'd sleep only after a very long time. But without these thoughts, i wouldn't be able to become closer to legod! The constant conflicting shit is quite irritating, and to illustrate what i mean, a simple example that comes to mind is looks. Legod requires total confidence in oneself, whereas the human body has the annoying urge to look in the mirror and feel satisfaction that one looks handsome when really, this look is something given at birth and not deserving of praise at all. (yea, so fuck all those who use "YOU LOOK SO PRETTY" as a compliment. I use it to state facts!)
So you see, its quite confusing deciding what to do and what not to do. It requires a constant willing to do this or that, before the mind gradually aligns itself to what i want.
Whenever i feel something is bullshit or unfair, that life has played me or some shit, its always easy to compare myself with people from africa and see life is so much more unfair to them than me. So what if your parents don't seem to care for you? At least its better than having your parents not caring about you and then dumping you into a bin. I'd just think of someone worse off and i'd feel more at ease.
Sometime back, i managed to relate a stomachache with moral courage. I had a stomachache, and then i imagined the pain was one which was inflicted by the japanese to force a confession out of me, and i'd try to imagine their pain and hold out as long as i could. Its good to do these, because although i keep telling myself i will not give shit to my captors if i ever was caught, its a different matter when physical pain is involved and felt.
Sharing a sort of "brotherly" friendship is so enjoyable. Gives me the warm, fuzzy feeling everyone has felt some time or another. Last time, i thought it was tragic that thiese brotherly friendships would all end when we went on to become adults and went on with our own individual lives. Now, i say fuck it, I'll take charge and make sure this brotherly friendship continues till adulthood.
There are some trains of thoughts i follow that i think, are essential to everyone. There's "WHY NOT YOU!?", which i thought up quite some time back. Why wait for someone else to do your shit, why let stereotypes of adult life take over. Why can't you take charge and change it? Why can't i be as great as Ghandhi? Then, related to this, there's "If you try, you have a chance. If you don't try, you'll never know" It's no good to set realistic targets. Realistic often means no challenge or a small challenge, why not try having an unrealistic target? If you never try, you'll never know -what could have been. If you don't know, you don't try, you'll regret. And regret is unforgettable, painful, tears you up inside out. Then there's "hard work, persistence". Some things might require luck, but if luck befalls on you and you didn't prepare for it, its doubly disastrous and tragic. If you work at it, when luck befalls on you, you'd be able to grab it. If it doesn't, keep plugging away till the luck arrives. And if it doesn't, you won't experience the wrenching pain of regret.
I KNOW I KEEP REPEATING MYSELF BUT I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING FRESH AND NEW!
So let's talk about real-life examples.
I started training my near-completely useless left foot during the november-december hols, till now, at the start of March. I'm much more comfortable passing with my left foot, being able to supply the correct power and accuracy regularly these days. Though there are still inevitable awkward moments where my left foot freezes or makes the wrong connection, i can use it to shoot more instinctively, with more power, with the "right" feeling when hitting the ball.
Couldn't juggle the ball for nuts during the nov/dec holidays, i didn't practice my juggling intensively, but i did put in some work on it. Tried juggling the ball today and found i could easily string 4-10 kickups without having to scramble all over the place, and though my right foot is still much stronger in juggling, my left foot has improved tremendously.
I don't think i seem to improve a lot more on the court because you can usually get away just by using your stronger foot without looking too bad, but i'm happy and satisfied at my improvement. Proves that my persistence paid off, when i kept attempting those kickups, those awkward passes against the wall, even when i didn't feel i was improving. But now i know, i am constantly improving whenver i practice, and it won't be long before my next focus for improvement sees results too.
I want to gain great vision, ability to look out for through balls, to create chances. I realised why i seem to "lag" in the perspectives of others when i felt i was totally justified in doing what i did. It's simply because i always try to find a "perfect through ball" when there is none, and keep holding onto the ball till i see one. Otherwise, i'd refuse to pass without looking up at who i was passing to because it doesn't feel right to pass without looking at where your teamate is. So i picked that up and i'm trying to release the ball more often, pass it around and wait for the opportunity to pop up before playing it. Also, i oughta try to look at all the available options more regularly, because i know sometimes i focus too much on trying to get a pass to only one particular person and miss out on other possible through balls. And the more i remind myself to do it, the more i will do it, the better i will get at doing it, and i will eventually master it.
See! I am a fucking genius (XINGYUN IS A FUCKING HORNY DUMBASSS FUKKKKK!!)
silverletal [Simple and Clean] 7:08 AM