Monday, March 05, 2007
So lucky me, memememe, who thinks im lucky.
Let's dissect the positives and negatives and see if life really sucks-
Negatives
-F'ed up IHC administration in school
-Gets periods of burning boredom
-Thinks too much sometimes
-Mom cooks shitty food
-In constant, tormenting conflict trying to fight the non-legod characteristics in the human body
Positives
-Blessed with so many innate advantages over the common person
-Learned to think lots early
-Middle-income family
-Learned not to get caught up with so much materialism shit
-Constantly trying to achieve "legod" characteristics
-Has tonnes of great friends - football friends, skype brothers, significant number of near-legod-like friends (not there yet though)
-Encountered more good/decent/excellent teachers than crappy ones
-Closest to achieving legod status
-Has a purpose/dream in life already
-Has high EQ + lotsa wit and humour
Before we move on, i will try to explain what is legod.
legod...
is moral courage, the courage to step into a 5 on 1 fight to somehow even the odds
is complete confidence and self-belief in oneself
is persistence, hardwork, determination, for all the right things
is pride, honour, integrity, principles
is witty, very kiddish but retaining the correct traits when needed
is a professional footballer for liverpool football club
is not afraid of saying the right thing, not afraid to offend when appropriate
is a true friend
is a source of inspiration for those who seek his guidance
is fun. respect, able to make a difference
Course, i'm not legod yet, but i am getting closer to being him everyday.
Anyway, back to the main point!
The negatives so heavily outweigh the positives don't you think! One can consider being from the middle-income family a blessing, you don't really feel the stress and struggle of your parent's to make ends meet, yet you realise the futility and waste that materialism brings about. Sometimes my mind is junked and jammed up with contrasting philosophies and debates within and i can't sleep it off. Lying on the bed, i'd keep debating and my brain would keep filling stuffy and messed up, and i'd sleep only after a very long time. But without these thoughts, i wouldn't be able to become closer to legod! The constant conflicting shit is quite irritating, and to illustrate what i mean, a simple example that comes to mind is looks. Legod requires total confidence in oneself, whereas the human body has the annoying urge to look in the mirror and feel satisfaction that one looks handsome when really, this look is something given at birth and not deserving of praise at all. (yea, so fuck all those who use "YOU LOOK SO PRETTY" as a compliment. I use it to state facts!)
So you see, its quite confusing deciding what to do and what not to do. It requires a constant willing to do this or that, before the mind gradually aligns itself to what i want.
Whenever i feel something is bullshit or unfair, that life has played me or some shit, its always easy to compare myself with people from africa and see life is so much more unfair to them than me. So what if your parents don't seem to care for you? At least its better than having your parents not caring about you and then dumping you into a bin. I'd just think of someone worse off and i'd feel more at ease.
Sometime back, i managed to relate a stomachache with moral courage. I had a stomachache, and then i imagined the pain was one which was inflicted by the japanese to force a confession out of me, and i'd try to imagine their pain and hold out as long as i could. Its good to do these, because although i keep telling myself i will not give shit to my captors if i ever was caught, its a different matter when physical pain is involved and felt.
Sharing a sort of "brotherly" friendship is so enjoyable. Gives me the warm, fuzzy feeling everyone has felt some time or another. Last time, i thought it was tragic that thiese brotherly friendships would all end when we went on to become adults and went on with our own individual lives. Now, i say fuck it, I'll take charge and make sure this brotherly friendship continues till adulthood.
There are some trains of thoughts i follow that i think, are essential to everyone. There's "WHY NOT YOU!?", which i thought up quite some time back. Why wait for someone else to do your shit, why let stereotypes of adult life take over. Why can't you take charge and change it? Why can't i be as great as Ghandhi? Then, related to this, there's "If you try, you have a chance. If you don't try, you'll never know" It's no good to set realistic targets. Realistic often means no challenge or a small challenge, why not try having an unrealistic target? If you never try, you'll never know -what could have been. If you don't know, you don't try, you'll regret. And regret is unforgettable, painful, tears you up inside out. Then there's "hard work, persistence". Some things might require luck, but if luck befalls on you and you didn't prepare for it, its doubly disastrous and tragic. If you work at it, when luck befalls on you, you'd be able to grab it. If it doesn't, keep plugging away till the luck arrives. And if it doesn't, you won't experience the wrenching pain of regret.
I KNOW I KEEP REPEATING MYSELF BUT I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING FRESH AND NEW!
So let's talk about real-life examples.
I started training my near-completely useless left foot during the november-december hols, till now, at the start of March. I'm much more comfortable passing with my left foot, being able to supply the correct power and accuracy regularly these days. Though there are still inevitable awkward moments where my left foot freezes or makes the wrong connection, i can use it to shoot more instinctively, with more power, with the "right" feeling when hitting the ball.
Couldn't juggle the ball for nuts during the nov/dec holidays, i didn't practice my juggling intensively, but i did put in some work on it. Tried juggling the ball today and found i could easily string 4-10 kickups without having to scramble all over the place, and though my right foot is still much stronger in juggling, my left foot has improved tremendously.
I don't think i seem to improve a lot more on the court because you can usually get away just by using your stronger foot without looking too bad, but i'm happy and satisfied at my improvement. Proves that my persistence paid off, when i kept attempting those kickups, those awkward passes against the wall, even when i didn't feel i was improving. But now i know, i am constantly improving whenver i practice, and it won't be long before my next focus for improvement sees results too.
I want to gain great vision, ability to look out for through balls, to create chances. I realised why i seem to "lag" in the perspectives of others when i felt i was totally justified in doing what i did. It's simply because i always try to find a "perfect through ball" when there is none, and keep holding onto the ball till i see one. Otherwise, i'd refuse to pass without looking up at who i was passing to because it doesn't feel right to pass without looking at where your teamate is. So i picked that up and i'm trying to release the ball more often, pass it around and wait for the opportunity to pop up before playing it. Also, i oughta try to look at all the available options more regularly, because i know sometimes i focus too much on trying to get a pass to only one particular person and miss out on other possible through balls. And the more i remind myself to do it, the more i will do it, the better i will get at doing it, and i will eventually master it.
See! I am a fucking genius (XINGYUN IS A FUCKING HORNY DUMBASSS FUKKKKK!!)
silverletal [Simple and Clean] 7:08 AM